VULGARITY

VULGARITY HAS ITS USES. VULGARITY OFTEN CUTS ICE WHICH REFINEMENT SCRAPES AT VAINLY.
- MAX BEERBOHM

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MATURE AND IMMATURE LOVE

IMMATURE LOVE SAYS : " I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I NEED YOU."
MATURE LOVE SAYS : "I NEED YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."
- ERICH FROMM (THE ART OF LIVING 1956)

MATURITY

TO BE AN ADULT IS TO BE ALONE
- JEAN ROSTAND

MASTURBATION

DON'T KNOCK MASTURBATION. IT'S SEX WITH SOMEONE I LOVE.
- WOODY ALLEN

KNOWLEDGE

I KNOW NOTHING EXCEPT THE FACT OF MY IGNORANCE
- SOCRATES

SEX

IS SEX DIRTY? ONLY IF IT'S DONE RIGHT
- WOODY ALLEN

UNDERSTANDING

ITS HARD TO MAKE A MAN UNDERSTAND SOMETHING WHEN HIS SALARY DEPENDS ON NOT UNDERSTANDING IT.
-UPTON SINCLAIR

THE DARK KNIGHT

YOUR AN IDIOT TO NOT VISIT THESE SITES
http://thedarkknight.warnerbros.com/
http://www.rorysdeathkiss.com/
http://www.ibelieveinharveydent.com/
http://www.whysoserious.com/
http://www.rent-a-clown.com/
http://www.thehahahatimes.com/
http://www.wearetheanswer.org/
http://gothamnationalbank.com/
http://www.thegothamtimes.com/
http://www.gothamcityrail.com/
http://www.whysoserious.com/personalityprofile/

OW

MY FEET ARE REALLY PAINING TODAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SYMPATHY.

OOHHH F*** MAN SH!T

NOW YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AND A COUPLE OF FRIENDS. F*** MAN NOW WE JUST HAD A LOT OF FUN. WE WENT TO THE ROOFTOP OF SOUTH CITY MALL (YOU NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO DO THAT SO DON'T FOOL YOUR SELF). AS IT WAS GETTING LATE WE WERE HEADING HOME. NOW MY FRIEND WAS JUST TURNING HIS CAR ON A U TURN AND THIS JACKASS BIKER RAMS HIMSELF INTO US. OK. GOOD. PULL OVER. FINISH IT. BUT THE KID(MY FRIEND) GOT NERVOUS AND TRIED TO RUN HIM BUT HE IS ON A BIKE AND WE ARE IN A CAR. OBVIOUSLY HE'D CATCH US BUT WE GOT HIM TO CHASE US(BAD IDEA MAN) NOW IF THE CHASE HAS BEGUN LETS TAKE THE WANNABE LEWIS HAMILTON TO AN EMPTY AREA AND "TALK" IT OUT IF TALK DON'T SOLVE IT THEN IT'S FOUR OF US AND ONE 5 FEET TALL NOBODY. NOW YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN. HE WOULD HAVE TO TALK OUR WAY. NOW THE CHASE WAS NOT IN A EMPTY ROAD. IT WAS CROWDED BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND NOT TO CRASH INTO ANYTHING OR BUMP ANYBODY UNLESS HE WANTS TO. SO HE FLIES WITH HIS CAR. NOW I AM ON THE BACKSEAT AND I KEEP AN EYE ON THE PULSAR GUY. I SEE A HAND WAVE FROM THE SIDE OF OUR CAR. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. NOW THIS AMBASSADOR(BLOODY PIECE OF TRASH, FU**ING PIECE OF JUNK)HAS TO STOP RIGHT IN FRONT OF US AND THE AREA PEOPLE STOP US AND DRAG US ONTO THE STREETS. I SOMEHOW MANAGE THE CROWD AGAINST BEATING THE S#!T OUT OF US. NOW THE MOB IS SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF MY FRIEND WHO WAS DRIVING. NOW THE BIKER ARRIVES AND LIKE A STREET PUNK STARS GROWLING(MY HEAD SAYS "DOWN BOY OR YOU GET THE TIGHT LEASH"). BUT I HAD A CROWD TO CONTROL. SO I SHIFT MY FOCUS HERE AND IT WAS EASY. I MEAN TO A COUPLE OF OLD GUYS. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? I AM TRYING TO CALM EVERYBODY AND OUT OF NOWHERE THIS BIKER F*** SAYS "KI ASABHYA CHELE RA AMAAKE CHASE KARACHHE AAR TATA KORCHHE"(HOW ILL MANERED THESE KIDS ARE. THEY ARE MAKING ME CHASE THEM AND THEY'RE WAVING TO ME AS IN TA TA). NOW I LAUGH AT ALMOST ANY SITUATION BUT THIS WAS A VERY TIGHT SITUATION . ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE GOT US AN ALIBI BY SAYING THAT WE THOUGHT THE BIKER WAS A COPPER CAUSE HE HAD A WHITE HELMET. WHAT THE F***? STUPID BUT EVERYONE WAS ANGRY SO THEY'RE BRAINS WERE UP THEIR BACKSIDES.
WE PAID THE DAMAGES AND REMOVED THAT PAIN OUT OUR A$E$.BUT WHAT I DON'T GET IN ALL THIS IS WHY WOULD OF ALL THE THINGS ONE COULD THINK AT THAT MOMENT WHY THE F*** WOULD MY FRIEND WAVE HIM GOODBYE IN MIDDLE OF THE CHASE ? WE ARE AT RISK OF TOPPLING, THE BIKER IS AT RISK OF SKIDDING AND HE WAVES HIM TA TA SH!T. CRAZY F***ER. WAVING HIM GOODBYE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HIGH OCTANE CHASE.
I MEAN THINK ABOUT IT. WHY?

MEAN STREETS. THE MARTIN SCORSESE CLASSIC

"You don't make up for your sins in church; you do it in the streets; you do it at home. The rest is bulls--t, and you know it."
NOTHING BUT A 5 ON 5. WHAT ELSE TO SAY. BRILLIANT. MARTIN SCORSESE'S FIRST MAJOR MOVIE. BLOODY GOOD. HARVEY KEITEL. UNMISTAKABLY ONE OF ROBERT DE NIRO'S BEST PERFORMANCES.

ELVIS PRESLEY THE 50 GREATEST HITS

NOTHING TO BE SAID ABOUT THE KING. THE MOST EVERGREEN ALBUM IN HISTORY. ELVIS PRESLEY THE 50 GREATEST HITS. 5 ON 5

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND

BRIAN De PALMA'S POLITICAL REFUGEE TONY MONTANA PORTRAYED ON SCREEN BY THE GREAT AL PACINO IN SCARFACE. ALWAYS AN EPITOME OF ATTITUDE.

CRAZY ACTORS

MY LIST OF CRAZY ACTORS:
AT # 5 WE HAVE OWEN WILSON(RUSH HOUR 1, 2, YOU ME AND DUPREE)

AT # 4 WE HAVE SEAN WILLIAM SCOTT(AMERICAN PIE1,2,3)

AT # 3 I GIVE YOU BRAD PITT (12 MONKEYS, SNATCH, FIGHT CLUB)

AT # 2 COMES IN ADAM SANDLER (CLICK,BILLY MADDISON, HAPPY GILMORE, LITTLE NICKY)



AND FINALLY

AT # 1

THE CRAZIEST

THE SICKEST

HUMAN BEING

ON THE BIG SCREEN
(TRUMPETS SOUND)
WE HAVE

THE KING OF CRAZY

JIM CARREY(ACE VENTURA, THE MASK, LIAR LIAR,BATMAN FOREVER)

RAIN

TODAY IT RAINED. THANKFULLY IT WAS NOT A STORM. IF IT WERE A STORM MY INTERNET CONNECTION WOULD GO ON A BREAK AND I WOULD BE LEFT FEELING LIKE A CAVEMAN.

THE KITE RUNNER

BEAUTIFUL. 5 ON 5. BRILLIANT

INDIANA JONES and THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

I AM SOMEWHAT PUMPED ABOUT THIS MOVIE. WELL OBVIOUSLY I AM. A MOVIE DIRECTED BY STEVEN SPIELBERG AND PRODUCED BY GEORGE LUCAS CAN EVEN PUMP UP A ROCK.

OLIVER KAHN in SALT LAKE STADIUM

NOW THIS GUY OLIVER KAHN IS PLAYING HIS LAST T IN KOLKATA'S VERY OWN SALT LAKE STADIUM. THIS NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD MISS. PERSONALLY I WOULD WANT TO BE THERE EVEN IF I GET AN UPSET STOMACH OR A 102 DEGREE FEVER OR EVEN CHICKEN POX( I ALREADY HAD CHICKEN POX IN MARCH SO SEE IT AS A PARADOX OR AN EXPRESSION). I MEAN THIS GUY IS THE GREATEST GOALKEEPER ALIVE AND PLAYING TODAY.

SHIT MAN

I PULLED OUT A WHITE HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD TODAY. SHITTTTTTTTT MANNNNNNNNN.

MARIO PUZO'S THE GODFATHER

MARIO PUZO'S GENIUS CHARACTER VITO
CORLEONE PORTRAYED ON SCREEN BY THE
LATE GREAT MARLON BRANDO IN THE GODFATHER AND BY ROBERT DE NIRO IN THE GODFATHER II WILL ALWAYS HELP ANYONE MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION BY USING PROPER REASONING AND FORESIGHT. THANK YOU LATE MR. PUZO.

WOMAN

I THANK GOD FOR CREATING WOMEN. ALTHOUGH AFTER ALL THE PROBLEMS THEY GO THROUGH, THEY ARE THE MOST MOTIVATIONAL AND ENTERTAINING CREATION OF GOD. WHAT WOULD THE WORLD DO WITHOUT THEM?(VIDEO-INXS- BEAUTIFUL GIRL) THE WAY THE ROAD TO PERFECTION NEVER ENDS. UNDERSTANDING A WOMAN WILL NEVER END.

MARTIN SCORSESE

If u have ever seen those crazy people who would faint at the sight of their "idols", then I would be one of them only if i see this man in person. MARTIN SCORSESE. The cinematic god behind TAXI DRIVER, THE DEPARTED, CASINO, GOODFELLAS, RAGING BULL, MEAN STREETS, THE KING OF COMEDY, THE AVIATOR, GANGS OF NEW YORK,etc.

TAXI DRIVER

You Talking To Me.
TAXI DRIVER directed by MARTIN SCORSESE
has outdone every movie one will ever see. 5 on 5 . Two thumbs up.

AMY WINEHOUSE- BACK TO BLACK

I recommend every crazy person or wannabe crazy this album- AMY WINEHOUSE-BACK TO BLACK
4.5 on 5. ( A line from the song Addicted -When you smoked all my weed man)

Half Time Show

Now that the most hyped IPL franchise kolkata knightriders have kissed their semi-final chance good bye I remember that Shah Rukh Khan, the owner of the kolkata team was ordered not to enter the dressing room and dugout of his own team. Now that is all official mumble jumble but what pinches me is that how come this had been noticed 31 days into the great indian gully cricket tamasha. I mean when i was in Eden Garden on 29th april the guy was sitting on the dugout and it was already 11 days in. Now Mr Modi remembers "oh shit he should not be allowed there." Yeah real spontaneity. You give a new defintion to the term "tubelight." Anyway like the title suggested all this is like a Half Time Show, half way into the IPL.

black

YOU know why i chose a black background. That's because this saves electricity. I care for the environment. So should you.

PULP FICTION

DEFINITELY TARANTINO'S BEST.
Line from PULP FICTION-" Would You Give A Guy A Foot Massage?"

Jackie Brown, definitely not Tarantino's best

I seriously doubt if this is actually Tarantino's work. Its like Tarantino was hit in the head with in the head with a showel and then told to write and direct something. At the end of it all you ask yourself wether that was two time oscar winner Robert De Niro acting as two bit nothing in the movie? or you ask yourself wether that was supposed to be funny or actually hideous? "Tarantino what's the matter with you? Your work used to be beautiful."

THE DARK KNIGHT

I am so pumped about this movie

TRUST

As I tossed the salad for dinner I thought I had never been this embarrassed in my life. I could not believe that my husband stormed into my chamber with only a reason to believe that I was cheating on him. How could he? Has he no faith in me? After all we had been dating for four years before our courtship of two years and even after three years of marriage he does not trust me?

I heard his car drive into his parking space. I fumed. I never ask him details of his business trip where he has to take along his personal assistant who looks half horny and half nymphomaniac. I have never asked him why he has to overnight even when there is no meeting around.

It was time to settle it. It was either the typical Indian woman way to scream shout and get tired and go to sleep. Then wake up the next day like a loser. Or something needed to be done.

It was a choice I had to take and I had taken my decision. Something needed to be done and I would do it.

I dimmed the lights, put on some music. Something that was going to suit the actions that would take place so the best song that was suiting the mood was by Cutting Crew and the song was ironically called “Died In Your Arms “.

I went back to table to prepare the dinner. In he comes dropping a file and saying “oh you look like you are in a mood to murder”. Look at the guts on this man. Joking like nothing had happened today. But I kept my cool and replied “yes I am”. Good for him he sensed the hostility coming from me. That shut him up for the while.

We sat down and finished our dinner. Our only words were pure silence. After dinner we sat on our sofa as usual. Silence still prevailed. Out of guilt he broke the silence and said “Look I am sorry for what I did today. I should not have behaved that way with you. I……… I should have trusted you. Will you forgive me?” Forgive you. Look at the way this guy talks schoolboy charm. Any woman would forgive him no matter what he had done to her. But it was not going to work with me. He put his arms around holding like a scared child holds his mother. He kissed me. Oh the confidence this man had that he would get away with what he did today. As I reached for my purse I reminded myself of the old medical training days when we were being taught how to stick a needle in the vein without giving the patient feeling of anything.

I broke him off and then looked into eyes and said “you don’t trust me, you did not trust me in the hospital, you“ he tried to cut me with something starting with an ‘I’. But I put a finger to his lip and continued” you never trusted me when I replied to you”. “Replied to what?” he asked innocently. “When you asked” I said moving my fingers along his hand to his hand, taking my hand out of his and once I reached his elbow vein I completed my sentence “whether I was in mood to murder I said yes but did not trust me, you should have trusted me.” Those were my last words to him as I looked into his eyes I saw shock and surprise as I stuck an empty injection in veins and I emptied the vacuum from the injection into his veins. I still loved him so I did see him die. I got up with the evidence in hand and left with my purse in hand knocking over something like a little bottle but I did care. I bribed the gate keeper who was any way going back to his village the next morning for the crop season not to tell anyone that I had walked out so late in the night. I made sure that even if he did return he should not be seen around this part of the city. I broke it and threw it the dump outside our apartment. I had parked my car outside the compound so that no one suspected I was home. I made sure no body saw me when I went into my apartment.

He was found dead next morning. When neighbors failed to get any response they had to break down the door. Those bastards, could they not see how beautiful the door was?

The police found fingerprints of two types, a man’s and a woman’s. Real Sherlock Holmes. Obviously it had to be my husband’s and mine. The post mortem was done in my hospital by the same man who he suspected me with. Oh the irony?

The police closed the case and announced it was a case of suicide with the post mortem report (courtesy dr.Imran, my friend) suggesting an overdose of sleeping pills. He was in habit of sleeping pills, yes he was and the last bottle had finished the previous night which I made sure to place near the sofa before he came. His entire property worth nearly rupees six crore had been signed to my name that same day; yes the file he kept when he came in was his will. He wanted to prove that he loved me. But seeing me in a bad mood he got nervous, he always used to. The police had handed me the will after verifying it with his lawyer. I was yet to sign it.

A year after that night Imran proposed to me. I obliged because he knew how to love a woman unlike my late husband, who loved me like he was singing a silly dopey song. As you might have guessed by now, yes I was unfaithful to him. Imran had been and now is my partner. My partner in passion and my partner in crime. Passion and crime. Only God knows how long these two words had been each others‘partner. I gave half the money I got from the will because he risked the post mortem. But the money matter is acceptable because I love him most importantly he “trusts” me.

I

He is the person who understands me best. His outlook is just like mine. Maybe that is why he has sympathized with all my failures right from my childhood. He gave me strength during my parents’ divorce. He kept me company while my mother partied late nights. He kept me company when my father was on business tours for months. He stood by me when all the kids in school picked on me on seeing me talking to my friend. They could not see him but I did and I liked him and was what mattered most to me.

All through my life I talked to him. All through my life he listened to my questions and replied with the best answers.

There was this one time I really liked liked this girl. I was talking to her outside our college gate when her boyfriend came along. She hopped into his car and they rode off. I wanted her, but how was I to get her? So I went to my friend and took his suggestion. I liked what he said and did exactly that.

Two days later the other boy’s body was found in his car in the back of an abandoned factory. His face was beyond recognition. It was stabbed with something made of glass, probably a bottle because a four inch long piece of glass was also found to have gone right through his throat.

The police questioned me because they found my cell phone in his car. I was convicted because the piece of glass had fingerprints which had all the similarity in the world with mine. My parents were probably scared that I would go to jail so they pleaded with the judge that I was mentally unwell and had me moved to an asylum. It was nice seeing my parents together. If I had known they would come together on occasions like this one I would do things like this all the time just to see them together.

They left me alone again when I moved into the asylum. But my friend never left my side. He was there with all the time in the asylum cell. We are inseparable. Like Calvin and Hobbes.

Oh! I but totally forgot to tell you his name. His name is I. Whatever he does I do. So I named him I. I is the only friend I have. I is the best friend I have in this entire world. I, my best friend.

Some Days

Some days everything goes wrong. You are tired from fieldwork of the previous day. You sleep like a baby. Your phone's battery died out but you do not care to charge it. You wake and realize that you had alarmed your clock 2 hours early. You go to sleep. You wake up and your two hours late. You go in to take a shower and tank is dry. You don't really take a shower but you get ready and leave. You hurry on and wait for conveyance. You don't find a bus on the street which looks creepily deserted. You finally get down at your stop. You rush for you work. As you confront your office building you realize that you never took your change back from the conductor and you just lost forty bucks. Then as you enter your office the guard rudely stops you and asks you why and where do you think your going? You feel like smacking the chum right there at the door. But he smiles and tells you "Sirji aaj to office bandh hai. Kal announce kiya tha office mein. Aapko phone nahi kiya kya?". It was given off because the turnover had exceeded everybody's expectations so the chairman himself flew down and gave everybody an appraisal and a day off. It was good for every body but me. Because as I set foot towards home I realize drops splattering on my head. At first I thought it was rain because I see very cloudy skies up and ahead of me. But it was much worse. I see a bird, yes a bird, that just relieved itself on my head. I picked up a leaf and wiped myself. But as I reach the bus stand a heavy wind blows the bus stand shed away and it starts to rain on my head. Now today my office is closed but I rushed to in and now I am standing in middle of nowhere with rain pouring on me. As I said some days things just don't go right.